We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
