My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
