I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
