Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
