I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
