i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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