If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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