you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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