hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
