im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
