I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Randomize
