somebody snuck up and got me drunk
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
