mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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