the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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