Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
