Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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