just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
