I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
