im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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