I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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