just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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