dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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