How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
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Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
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According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
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