we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
