just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
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