Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
