some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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