Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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