Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
