I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I smell like Dick and happiness
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
