are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
