so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
