haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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