when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
