also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
