I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
