he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
