I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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