At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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