Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
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