READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
