So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
