Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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