so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
