You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
