hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
