I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
