I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
