FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
