At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
you never un-have a 4some
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
