i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize