My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
