i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
