I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
