I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
