if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
