Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
