So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
