So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
