so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
