it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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