I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
