i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
