I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
