all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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