Dude my mom stole all your condoms
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
