Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I wish you could order shots online.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
