a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
