I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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