She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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