wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My breasts were aching with rage.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
