I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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