Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
