He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
