i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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