The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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